‘He wrapped both hands around my neck and started to strangle me’

Finally moving on : Julie Bowers, now, living life her way.

Julie Bowers lived in isolation for four years before

managing to break free from her abusive relationship.

Here she bares all to Courtney Stevens.

Julie Bowers’ room is full of life. Just like her personality. She is sat next to a patchwork lamp and colourful bunting is strung up on the wall behind her. There’s also a purple lava lamp and a dream catcher that keep coming into view.

It’s hard to imagine the things that Julie has been through over the last few years. Her bubbly personality and big infectious smile hide it all. That’s probably what makes her story even more shocking.

Julie, 23, was born in York County, Pennsylvania, where she grew up with her family. She then moved to Reading for college, before deciding to move to Pittsburgh when she was 19 years-old.

It was while she was living in Pittsburgh that her whole life changed when she began a relationship with someone she worked with. Julie shuffles around in her chair, the evil-eye necklace she’s wearing comes into view, as she explains, “I was working in a drugstore downtown. He was 25 and he was my boss.”

Julie was the one who first took an interest, “He was this tall, gorgeous, blonde guy. I knew his type as soon as he walked through the door.” The relationship didn’t start until a few shifts later after Julie sent him a message on Instagram, “I remember when he called me pretty for the first time. I was so giddy.”

There was a very short honeymoon period, before the relationship quickly turned sour. About one month after they started dating things started to change and about three months in they were already living together.

Julie says that whenever she came home there used to be what she called ‘interrogation sessions’, “He would strip search me and smell me and he would dump out all my belongings because he thought I was cheating on him.”

“I would be sitting on the bed with my back against the headboard, staring straight ahead at a blank TV that was always off,” she says, “He would pace circles around me in the room and question me for hours, and eventually I would just shut down and dissociate.”

There was no reasoning behind this behaviour. Julie thinks his paranoia was down to the fact that he himself, was cheating, “Over the four years we were together, I’d estimate he cheated with around 60 to 70 different women.”

As the relationship progressed, the abuse started to become physical. “The first time he threw a bottle at me. It was a very thick, glass whisky bottle. He would drink the whole bottle to himself,” she says, “There was another instance where he was yelling in my face and he grabbed me and left bruises all along my jawline.”

Julie says she could recall maybe five times throughout the four years that he was physically abusive towards her and one instance when he sexually assaulted her. Six months into the relationship, he lost his job and the financial abuse began, alongside the emotional and physical abuse she was already experiencing.

“I was a full time student working 40 hours a week to support a grown man and all he did for two years straight was sit at home and play video games,” she recalls, “I lived in silence for years because I wasn’t allowed to make any noise, he isolated me.”

Back to home comforts : Julie in her bedroom back home.

When they first started living together, the couple shared a house with three other roommates. One of the roommates was his best friend, that Julie says “Worked so much, I just don’t think he saw it.”

Their other roommates were his brother, who she describes as “A very good person. I think he knew about the abuse but didn’t know the extent of it or how to approach me about it,” and his brother’s fiancée, who Julie says is still a very good friend of hers, “She became like a lifeline and I’m really grateful that I had her in my life.”

Eventually they moved into their own apartment where the abuse got significantly worse. However, it took Julie months before she finally built up the courage she needed to leave.

“I don’t think I realised that abuse was taking place until the last year of our relationship, which is crazy, because even when he was being physical towards me, I just didn’t seem to realise,” she says “When someone you love, who you think loves you, mistreats you to that extreme, it’s very hard to comprehend and you revert to self-blame.”

The first time Julie thought about leaving was in June 2022 after she’d spent the day at a Pride event with her friends. “He’d been out drinking with his friends and brought them back to our apartment. He was trying to pick a fight with his friend so I went into the bedroom to get away from it all,” she recalls, “He came into the room and flopped himself on top of me and tried to push me off the bed. He told me he was going to squeeze me, which is something he would do frequently.”

This ‘squeezing’ Julie tells me, involved him wrapping his thighs around her ribs and squeezing his legs as hard as he could, “I’ve had sprained ribs because of it,” she says.

“I started struggling, so he crawled on top of me, straddling me, and wrapped both hands around my neck and started to strangle me.”

“I managed to get my leg free, and I kicked as hard as I could against his chest which irritated him. He then struck me across the face,” she says, “I got up crying and ran to the bathroom, with 911 dialled on my phone. His friend came in to see what he could do to help and I was just really embarrassed. I felt really crowded and told him I was fine. I then went back into the bedroom and he was passed out.”

It wasn’t until September of that same year that Julie finally decided now was the time to leave.

“He fell asleep with his phone unlocked. I didn’t check his phone by this point because I already knew he was cheating so it was pointless, but something told me to check it,” she says, “I discovered he was having a very emotional relationship with his co-worker. He was taking her on dates and telling her everything I’d been begging to hear over the years and something in me just snapped.”

“The adrenaline was cursing through my body and I just screamed. That’s when I knew I was done.” He didn’t make it easy for her though, “Every time I would go to sleep, he would turn the lights on or shine a flashlight in my face. I woke up at four in the morning the next day to him just standing over my sleeping body.”

In the end, Julie text his mother begging her to get him out of the apartment. He ended up leaving the apartment for two weeks which gave her enough time to pack up her things and move back home to York.

Shortly after coming home Julie started showing signs of post-traumatic-stress disorder. “I had a complete breakdown and had to go to therapy, which is the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” she says.

“When I first got home, it was very lonely and very dark, but I had this moment where I thought ‘I don’t want to feel like this anymore’,” she says, “I still dissociate, I still get flashbacks and have nightmares, but I was able to get a medical marijuana card which has really helped me.”

Now Julie is focusing on what lies ahead of her and has rediscovered her passion for music, “I was able to get back in touch with that part of myself and enjoy life with no restrictions.”

She has given herself six months to make a career out of being a singer-songwriter and is currently working on her debut album with a producer she has known since she was a teenager.

It’s easy to see the change in Julie’s body language when she talks about her music. She’s back to being that bubbly person with an infectious smile that appeared at the start of the interview. Maybe that evil eye necklace is working.