Why did no one prepare me for the reality of my 20s?

Your 20s are a whirlwind. It feels like you’re on a hamster wheel and can’t get off. Everyone around you is going at different speeds. It feels like you’re going 100mph, whilst also simultaneously feeling like you are stuck in time.

Growing up you are told that your 20s are going to be the most important years of your life. The best years of your life in fact. The time for discovering yourself, making mistakes, going on adventures, endless parties.

So much expectation is placed on this time of our lives. We don’t want to look back and regret the things we did or did not do. We are told to travel and see the world, but we are also told to start working towards settling down and starting a career.

Going into my 20s I thought I should have everything figured out. I thought that I would finish my degree, start working my way up in a career that I love, and be thinking about my future and what I wanted to get out of it.

Instead, I have no idea what I want my future to look like and have asked myself ‘who am I?’ approximately 47 times each day.

Everyone I know seems to have it figured out. Friends have started working in jobs that they’ve dreamed about since they were little. Everyone is getting into relationships, getting engaged, buying houses and having children.

I could not be further from that if I tried.

So far my 20s have felt like I’ve been put on a rollercoaster with no way out. I’ve had highs and lows. I’ve tried to figure out balancing a full time education with a part time (more like full time) job. I’ve lost friendships and gained friendships. I’ve had hard times mentally and I’ve had times where it seems like nothing can go wrong. I’ve travelled and tried new things. I am no closer to knowing what I want my future to look like and I am no closer to figuring out ‘who I am’.

I am happy for those who seem to have figured out that the more traditional route is for them. I just don’t see myself going in that same direction any time soon. Right now, I am enjoying the unknown. Waiting to see what life throws at me.

I know that eventually I will have to settle down, have a steady career, a good group of friends and a place to call home. For now though, I am okay with seeing where life takes me and my only plan at this moment is to embrace living in the chaos.